Hey TV Land,
How's yall day so far. I just realized that "today" is Sept. 9, in other words my father's birthday. I haven't spoken to him since April. I had asked him to come to my graduation from Xavier University, BUT he said that he didn't have the time to see me walk across the stage. Him saying this has made be very VERY BITTER!! Let me give a brief description of the man David Butler
My father is 1 out of 14 children ( Yes, 14 children. Crazy I know). There are 4 children that my father had that I KNOW OF: my older brother, me, my younger sister, and my youngest brother. I also have a step-sister from him too but these are the ones that WE know about. My eldest brother put my dad's family values in a nice statement, "He likes to start families, not finish them." Now this does not mean that I am bitter/angry at my siblings. Oh hecks no! I love them all to death. We can get together and talk about how why couldn't we get one of the other Butler men as our father. We love our father (at least I do)...we just don't like the crap that he pulls.
Any ways, when my father told me that he didn't have the time to come out and see me graduate, I was upset. I was in the car with my roommate, Jamela, on our way to get something to eat. I started to interrogate my dad: "Do you realize that you didn't go to my high school graduation?" "Did you go to Adrienne's graduation?" "Don't you think you should put out the effort to see me graduate?" All these questions were answered with a "Yes" and yet he said "I won't take off. How about one of your aunts go? I promise to make it to the medical school graduation." This whole conversation made me SO upset, that I started crying. For someone who wanted to be in their daughter's life, they were doing a shitty job. In the end, neither my father nor my aunts showed for my graduation. I broke down and vented my frustrations to my mom who was just as disappointed as I was.
When I told my older brother and my sister about the whole situation, all they said was "Well that's David for ya." While they can say this halfheartedly, I can't. They had the man at their graduation and in their lives, begrudgingly. While I on the other, "lost" my dad when I was roughly 3, had to lie to my friends (probably since kindergarden) that my parents were "divorced", had 7 years of E. J. being the closest thing to a dad that I will ever have, got my father back at 14, saw him again when I was 17, and lost him again at 22. I mean, this is crazy! How does a CHILD know the concept of divorce at 5-6 years old? Like, that's fucked up! All I wanted was my dad to share a very special and monumental point of my life, with me! I still think I have the right to be selfish and upset over this situation. However I know that this is not conducive for our relationship. I fully intend on talking to my dad and letting him back into my life but I can't help but keep my guard up. I just had to get this off my heart. Goodnight/Good mornin yall.
Deuces Yo
No comments:
Post a Comment